sometimes.. i feel like life's playing a game with me, when i want to take it seriously...












crush Me..

=S ............ September...

Anberlin - Inevitable

i swear.. that whenever i talk to you, my heart beats hell faster.
we speak in different voices, when fighting with the ones we've loved.
i swear.. i fought the old me and buried him in my past.
trials in life questions my existence here.
i swear.. i would do anything to make this right. anything..
i wana feel all superhuman when i'm with you.
i swear.. i'm being punished, every single second of this torment without you.
scars that will never show and wounds that will never bleed.
i swear.. ur someone who's smile makes me feel like i've been holding back.
i cant win i'm losing the fight.. all the time.
i swear.. for you, i'm trying to be a better man.
i made the same mistake twice, and i'm trying to flip the page.
i swear.. i'll be there.






















i think i know how.. on my own..

Daughtry - Crashed

every night,
waited for her to come on since.
to no avail, alright.
couldnt sleep, couldnt close my eyes.
i tried, i really did try.
and all i got were nightmares THIS size.
i just had to think, of all the things i've done to you.
and how to ever stand up again.

wanted to talk things out,
makes things up, clear the fog one day.
am i the only one trying to blow it away?
thought she was mad at me; she definitely is.
cus i tried to say hello today
but head held high, face turned away. yup..
i've got nth left to say.
i'm sorry. thats all this soul can think of pleading.



















yearn for forgiveness..

Silverstein - My Heroin(e)

my back is hurting like nuts.
the lower back esp. near the tail bone..
the part where controls ur legs to walk?
i cant even stand up now..
















ur heart's a maze and i'm its challenger..

WHAT THE EFF!!!!!!

and with this it ends.

look.. i know you've been 'tuned-in' to lots of rumors and shit from whoever or from pro cock whacker, triple-f.. but eventually it is ur choice to believe whatever they fed you. yeah, you trust him. but so much as not to ever put ur trust in me? i know ur all about self protection and all. i agree you should and i respect that. but do you even think i'll ever hurt you like anyone in the past did? i've got no damn heart to do such a thing.. unless the girl's a flirt. (i'll talk abt that later..). so ur damn sure that whatever they said is credible enough to doubt me? that hurt me once.. but nvm, i got used to you not trusting me.. i just wonder how long this 'trust meter' is gonna stay in the negative...

okay, ENOUGH!! of triple-f guy. he's none of my concern anymore. i dont care abt you.
i got nothing to hide. nothing to prove otherwise. nothing to fear.
go ahead and demote me all you like my f** friend,
dunno what's in it for you, but nth is coming outta me for you.
i've never once said a bad thing abt you to other people, even though OH SO MANY got doubts abt you..
i was always on ur side buddy, until i got the hunch you were evil..
this aching hunch that you'd one day backstab me for the sake of nothing.
cus i really really really dont know what ur motive is in this quest of urs..
DONE!!

and trey!! i think next time lah k! heh



now to spill my fucking thoughts on my fucking keyboard to this blog flooded with dead emotions.

him? nah, got nothing against him. just noticing the fact that he's trying and tried to WOO many girls in the past and not getting any. like the rest said, "as always". in other words? f-l-i-r-t.

this hurt me the second time.. but i tried not to think too much. and i'm just gonna be frank. what's with flirting around with him? i dunno if you were just trying to be friendly and all but it looks like flirting to me. firstly, it hurt me cus.. i would never do this to you.. and i thought you wouldnt too..i thought... you were NEVER that kind of person. but it made me doubt you for awhile. i thought you're smart enough to know if someone likes you or not.. because it was obvious to everyone else. guys with ego like his, will only bring himself to think too much.

when the ball hit you the other day, he stared at me for awhile and gave me that look. the guy thinks he's known you better than me now? i dunno, i dont care abt him. but i'm just trying to clarify smth here.. i'm NOT restricting you from making friends or socializing, no. have i ever done that? you can do whatever you like.
its just.. the first time i've seen you being so friendly to anyone. now he thinks he's got a chance with you. hah.

maybe i'm just one big fat jealous bitch.





and well, if you think ur wasting my time then you're doubting my thing for you. cus i never once thought so. impatient? what makes you think so. i'm just mad at the fact that ur decisions for anything are somehow based or made through rumors. the word itself explains it all. why dont you talk to me abt these kinda things? am i THAT unapproachable? i always gave time for you. (and i'm not putting this specifically on you, neither am or will i for anything else). i know that it was all my choice. i always said that you can always talk to me or count on me whenever you need someone to talk to. but instead, who do you share it with? who's the one who's getting to know you better and better instead of me? i'm not gonna quote names..
back to the point. if you wana find anything out. go find out urself.. credibility from rumors has its arm's-length and i can tell you, it isnt far at all..
i told you before but differently; i'll wait until all my tears dry up if i have to. and if you think i'd leave that easily.. then ur looking at the wrong guy... i'm right here, Sandra.. inside.

















trace out my paper heart..